Lulue’s

Win

Posted on: March 7, 2009

Well, I was planning on writing about the feeling that one gets when you get publicly humiliated in the comments section of someones blog, and it makes you feel like the uncool kid that tries for acceptance that almost always says something awkward which usually misses the mark and you are once again left on the sidelines, with the other uncool kids, who don’t like you either because you smell or something and…. hmmmm…I’ll leave that for another day. I will say I’ll make sure that I will try to be more cool in the future. Sorry I suck. The. End.

Anyhoo, besides that, I have a story! Which includes a homeless man, early morning and ME. Interesting, no? Well, this all begins about 3 or 4 weeks ago. On the first morning I was leaving for work, I opened the door and this SMELL kicked me right in the face. I thought our neighbors dog was left in the hallway? Or something nearly died then crawled away? Well, the smell was so strong and weird I told the fiance that he should come and behold the stench that was our hallway. He agreed and life went on. This continued on for a couple days, strange stench in the hallway, no known source, wash rinse repeat. A day or two later, I got up for work, as usual, and I heard this loud ass snoring, I was laughing and told the fiance that the neighbor MUST have a cold because this thundering snoring was impossible to believe. So I continued to get ready for work, the snoring kept being annoying, I was running late so the normal goodbyes to the fiance , (love you, no…I love you….KISS), was really more like, FUCK I’m running late! Gimme Kiss! BYE! I opened the door and what did I see? A Homeless Man laying ON the stairs. As I opened the door I must have startled him because he sat up so quick his hood popped up onto his head. I slammed and locked the door and conveyed my displeasure as such: HOMELESS MAN! HALLWAY! MAN IN HALLWAY! For some reason the fiance didn’t get the gist of my clear statement so he was, huh? HOMELESS! HALLWAY! He finally understood, so he opened the door and by that time the bottom door was already closing. (we don’t lock that door, neither does the neighbor, we live in Wisconsin, we are trusting and a little bit stupid, please forgive). The fiance in his very manly and intimidating flannel jammies and slippers procedes down the stairs to see what the fuck was going on. the conversation went like this: Fiance: What are you doing in here? Homeless Man: Waiting for the bus. Fiance: Oh, ok. ME: WHAT THE FUCK! So I still had to go to work, the homeless man ambled off so I walked around the building to my car and then had to scrape ice off of it, all the while, Fiance was standing about 50 feet away watching me, because if the Homeless Man wanted to attack, we was ready to go with his slippers and jammies. Acually, it was sweet that he watched for me. I scraped and scraped as fast as I could with eyes in the back of my head, just waiting to get carjacked by the Homeless Man. So we told the landlord, they gave us a key, the door still stays unlocked at the bottom of the stairs, we do lock our door, but the neighbor doesn’t lock the bottom one even though he comes home after we do. So, last week the neighbor said he called the cops because he caught the Homeless Man in the hallway, I guess until this point he thought we were delusional.  They didn’t catch him. Then on Monday the cops were circling our block with there spotlights, obviously looking for someone. Homeless Man? I can’t be sure, but I am sure that about 30 minutes ago I saw the SAME Homeless Man shuffle by outside. He’s still lurking. I hope he found a different hallway to call home, but if he didn’t I hope he at least keeps the snoring and the body odor down to a minimum. It’s only polite, you should always think of your neighbors. GAH.

Ok..first question… why would a bus from a church (I’m too lazy to get the name on the bus, and not good at getting a good picture) be at the restaurant right across the street from my apartment at 10 pm? Are these people that rented the bus from a “Senior Community” or are they pimping the bus because of the lower rates for a bachlorette pary? Sorry for the spelling. Just curious. Why, if it was seniors, couldn’t they come out and eat at dinner time with the rest of us? Why wait until 10 pm?

Also, have you watched Real World, the new season in Brooklyn? Am I the ONLY ONE that sense the irony about the chick that didn’t want to be outed about her sexuality to the male roomates? Isn’t she obviously transexual? I thought it was pretty obvious but, not that it’s a problem, but GEEZ, get used to yourself. I hope she feels more comfortable in her skin, thinking about that, I could use the same.

(I had a whole paragragh here, but the wordpress Gods ATE it.) BAH

Also #3 This is for the people (the one or two that may read) but, do you guys chat anywhere? I’d like to talk moar plz.

kisses

Winter blues…oh winter blues, why do you torture me?  Maybe it’s not so much the winter blues so much as the handbag that I ordered online, that I waited oh so patiently for, which got delivered today after much pacing about. Guess what. The bag is wee. Tiny. I can’t fit my ALL my stuffs in it. Which, I do understand, I probably need to downsize a bit, but damn, online purchases always seem to be right out of reach of what I was hoping for. This tiny little purse does carry the essentials, really what is REALLY essential to drag around all day long? Not much perhaps, but I thought it would be much bigger than pea sized. Now I’m a bit deflated, which is good, now I can put my deflated self in my new weee little purse and carry it around. Ha! Online purchases be damned. Blah….

In other news, can you become lactose intolerant when you’ve never had problems before? I ate some shells and cheese last night, (velveeta always helps the winter blues, CARBS…num num), and my stomach was all bloated and hurty all night. What gives? I loves me some lactose, say it isn’t so. Any help would be appreciated.

Just a short note to say that I’m not dead, just freezing, not unlike most of the other folks in the upper half of the U.S. , and I can’t forget my Canadian peeps that are experiencing the same type of tundra like weather. I don’t likey the winter. Me and the fiance are tossing around the idea of moving south, Savannah GA to be specific. Not within the next couple of months, but within the next year.  If anyone reads this drivel I would love to have some feedback on whether this ould be a nice area to move to. Other than that, I have pretty much nothing, my fingers are a frozen and I am just hoping for Spring to come soon. I hope all is well with all the internets, and I’ll have a better post soon. Sorry I’m sucky at this right now, anyone have any home remedies on the winter blues? Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Keep warm!

We are under a SEVERE WINTER STORM WARNING. We may get up to 12 inches of snow…which to most people in area isn’t a big deal. Hell, in this neck of the woods it’s pretty typical. But to ME, I HATE HATE HATE the snow. I hate getting ready in the morning just to stand outside brushing my car off, which means all the snow ends up on me because I am short, which also means I get to go to work soaking wet. 12 inches of show is actually quite alot, now that I think of it, I’m only 5’2″, which means it’s going to snow 1/5 (my math sucks) of  my height. What if I drown?  I hate driving in it, pretty much I cannot think of one redeemable quality of the Snow.  Also, I have learned that the Ice hates me. I cannot even LOOK at the ice without it grabbing my foot and knocking me to the ground. A hockey player I am not.  So, as I lay awake all night worrying about the albino death pellets raining down, I need you, helpful reader to please tell me one redeemable quality of the Snow.

Update:

The one good thing is that I FINALLY found my wayward glove, it was under my spare tire (not that one, thanks) in my car. Before I found it I had two righties and no lefty glove.  My gloves have been reunited after a season apart.  Weeeeee.

I had off of work from the day before Thanksgiving until have to return to work on Wednesday.  I should have lots of hijinx to talk about but NOTHING…I has it

Oooh…did you ever feel like you were being watched and you glance around quick to make sure that no one hatched out of the closet to stab you repeatedly. Then you laugh a little to yourself, silly silly me for being so paranoid, so then you remove your clothes, step into the shower (don’t jump, I always say jump into the shower which is obviously the best way to break a bone or two). Then as your daydreaming and lathering up you get that sensation again that someone is watching you and you chide yourself for being a big baby. As you turn to grab the shampoo, there with it’s beady little eyes and sticky little legs is the DAMN CENTIPEDE that has been admiring you for the last twenty minutes. Let the screaming and rapid heartbeat commence. Then you JUMP out of the shower casting any idea of safety to the wind becuase this little beast is surely going to pounce on your shoulder and bite the freshly clean yet a little soapy, neck of yours. Then you run naked, panic stricken into your bedroom, throw clothes on, find shoes, who cares about socks, find the keys, toss them in the generel vicinity of the centipede because he is now the proud renter of your apartment, because clearly we both can’t stay in this place together and he clearly wins. You run to your car, speed away, in case his little legs can carry him 40 miles an hour and jump on your bumper and torment you further. Find the closest bar but not close enough to be followed to by one hundred sticky little centipede legs and have a stiff drink.

Hey!!!

Posted on: November 21, 2008

Thanks to Violet I am going to let my Freaky Flag fly! I didn’t mean that I felt judged in anyway by the innernets, (since no one reads this drivel) I just feel stifled by my own lack o’ talent. HI! I’m sure I’ll stretch my bloggy legs and get comfy and all will be fine. Thanks Violet for being my first comment!

In other news, I am more excited than usual for this day to be Friday, I was neck deep into a dream when my alarm went off this morning and it actually took me a few minutes to decipher real time from dream time. I finally stumbled off to the shower, and I didn’t drown myself, now I’m anxiously awaiting 3:30 so I can drink some beer, eat some pizza and relax. I rented Wall-E because I’m four. I hope it doesn’t suck as bad as I have heard. Happy Friday!! Drunk post tomorrow! Or maybe even Sunday too!!!!!

Update:

Well it’s Sunday and after Friday and Saturday chock full of stunt drinking, I’m currently relaxing on the couch. Suprisingly, I don’t have a hangover, but I’m pretty sure my poor liver has decided to up and move on to a kinder, gentler place to reside. Sorry liver, please come back! Also, I just learned how to add a link in a post because I are smart !!!

Geesh

Posted on: November 20, 2008

I wasn’t expecting to feel so judged by writing here. I feel like I have to be careful about what I write so I don’t sound stupid or weird or downright cuckoo. Which, tends to suck the life out of any creativity I may have because it is driven soley by my crazy and weird. I love them. Well, I figured I better try to post something, since the last post was a bit ranty and whiny. And I was sick sick sick of looking at it. Maybe I’ll feel less under microscopy later and post a bit more. Till then!!!!

OOOPS

Posted on: November 14, 2008

So I got my ass handed to me yesterday by someone I thought was my friend. I made the unfortunate mistake of sending out an email, which I viewed as satirical in nature. It wasn’t taken like that by one individual. I wasn’t aiming at stepping on anyone’s political toes, but seems to be what I did. OOOPSY. I didn’t want to write about politics here, I’m honestly not that informed. When it comes to Cabinets, and Congress, and all the other political lingo my brain turns to slush, my eyes glaze over and I start looking for my happy place. So when I sent out the “email of death”, I was just passing it along because I didn’t take it serious, I thought it was funny, well written and tongue in cheek. It was meant for a laugh, that is all. This one particular individual, the ass hander, took it to heart apparently. Here is what he wrote:

 

HE”S THE PRESIDENT NOW!!!!!

DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!

AND STOP SENDING ME THIS REDNECK BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Now, mind you, the email said nothing about our President Elect, nor did I mention my political views. I’m okay with Obama. Oh, and I’m not a Redneck. I’m a Midwesterner, it’s WAY worse. J I digress. So I actually felt bad, but I didn’t want to email the ass hander back, I figured that would only perpetuate this already volatile situation. Then he sends out this, let’s dissect it shall we?

 

I hit reply all when I sent my response. I’m not accusing everyone of sending me this crap.

No he’s just accusing ME.

 

So XXXX and XXXX relax. You received this message just like I did. I just want to let all who received it, to not send me anymore small minded crap like this. We all have our opinions,

Really? I wasn’t giving my opinion. It was a JOKE.

 

but when I get all these emails that take up to much space in my mailbox it get’s old and annoying.

XXXX, I don’t agree with you most of the time. I still respect your opinion because unlike some people who send this shit out.

That would be me, the one he doesn’t respect.

 

I know you know what your talking about.

I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about.

 

Some people think they are experts because they listen to some jackass on the radio who thinks he knows it all. They then think they are an expert without actually doing any research or real knowledge of the subject.

Um, I lost. I don’t listen to talk radio, where he got this from is beyond me.

 

I’m not singling anyone out,

Noooo, of course not.

 

I hit reply all to let you all know I don’t want this crap polluting my inbox. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

So now I feel bad, but more pissed actually. He’s calling me small minded from one email, which I wasn’t trying to define myself with. I feel misunderstood and a little silly for writing about all of this.

 

Anyhoo, let’s lighten this up a bit. I was planning on making this funny, but I guess it didn’t turn out that way. I’ve known the person mentioned above for almost 15 years. I never know how to describe him, I’m not actually sure he should even be considered a friend. I remember one time long ago he wanted to kick me out of the bar he owns because I said that Frank Zappa sucked. Him banning me from the bar happened a few years later but he eventually allowed me back in a couple weeks later after I groveled. Everyone jokes that I’m on Triple Secret Probation, and one fuck up and I’m kicked out again. I guess I could describe him as the beer Nazi. “No beer for you!” Oh, the fun. Well, I was going to send out an email with a Christmas tree made from wire and beer cans, but after yesterday’s debacle I wouldn’t want to offend anyone.

 

 

Wow, this is a bit harder than I thought. I figure I’ll post from work at lunchtime, since it’s the only privacy I usually have, unless you count Cruella Deville breathing down my neck all day.

How rude! I should probably introduce myself, I’m not sure if I should post my name, I want some level of anonymity. I’ll just start with a list about myself:

1. In my thirties, but emotionally I’m probably about 12. Or 3

2. Lived in the same midwestern town (shut up) my whole life (double shut up).

3. I almost moved away with a guy until I smartened up and since then I’ve been dating and recently got engaged to “the one that got away” twelve years ago. We’ve been dating for 2 years.

4. I may possibly had something to do with his marriage breaking up.

5. But I like to think that it would have happened anyway.

6. I have a job, not a career.

7. I don’t particularly like my job.

8. I currently have 2 brothers, I started with 3.

9. We don’t talk much.

10. The alive ones, not the dead one.

11. Me and the dead one? We talk all the time.

12. Just kidding.

Well, that was more than 10 so I guess that’s why I have a “job” instead of a career, huh?

Until next time.

Shhh….I’ll be back….this is a secret.

Update:

Ok, I’m doing this secretly. Is that so naughty? I need a place to vent…and what better way to do it? I doubt anyone will find this remotely interesting, but that’s A-ok with me. If anyone does stumble upon this, please note that I will update my profile soon.

Posted on: January 20, 2009


  • None
  • lv4921391: any time you feel the need to send jokes...send them to me...like your blogging ...lv
  • lulue: My fiance's parents live in Surprise Arizona, we visited during Thanksgiving 2007. (my first flight and I didn't get arrested or cry! I win) I loved i
  • TJ: Savannah is really nice. I've not spent any serious length of time there, but the area has a really great feel to it. I lived half in PA/half in Atlan

Categories